P is for…


We arrived in Phuket without a POA, and weren’t sure where we should be going. There were two options, Phuket town or Patong. We asked a couple of different groups where they were going but most seemed to be in the same boat as us, but were leaning towards Patong. We decided to follow suit and bought tickets for a mini bus heading to Patong. While waiting in line we met a French dude, who seemed to know where he was going and had a hotel booked for the night. I was sitting in my seat in the full mini bus when they door opened to let one more passenger in. It was like something out of a movie. A giant man with long grey wavy hair, wearing socks, sandals and a Vietnamese hat, carrying a guitar was waiting to board the bus- I wish I got a pic as he actually looked like a cartoon. Since there were no more seats on the bus, the driver told me to get out and let this fella in. He told me to get in the front and sit in between himself the French dude on a little stool thing-it appears they are very road safety conscious in Thailand.

It turned out our new French friend was a detective in Paris and his friend has missed his flight so he was all alone. He had a Thai SIM card so he called the hotel and booked us a room (7 euro each a night). When we arrived we were all starving so we checked in and went for food. We brought Frenchie along. We ate Pad Thai and drank cocktails- a lot of cocktails, as it had started to rain monsoon style outside and we needed to stay dry under our rooftop canopy. Once the rain stopped we strolled down town and decided it was hookah time once the rain started again. Frenchie ordered his third dinner (he had two mains at the restaurant) and we smoked until they kicked us out as it was closing time- where did the time go! Most of the bars in Patong seemed to be go go bars and the place is full of hookers. We went to a couple and then went clubbing and next think you know it’s 6 am.

The following day we were meant to move on but my hangover would not allow for it so we stayed an extra night. Even during the day the place is still crawling with hookers and dirty old men parading them about.

I found my “Luxe City” guidebook and wondered what kind of information they had on Phuket since in my opinion there was nothing luxurious about it. There was one line written about Patong:

Patong : There is no good reason to venture into Patong

Hmmm that explains it- should have checked it out before we shacked up in the middle of it!

Phi Phi:

Delighted to be far from Patong, we arrived in Phi Phi. Phi Phi is a tiny little island with no cars or motorbikes. It takes about 15 mins to walk from one side to the other. Although a little dirty and smelly in places, it has 100 times more charm than Patong and is a cute little town. I checked in to the hostel next to the hostel the lads were staying. Our minimum standards for accom seem to vary slightly 😉 They stayed in Scenery hostel, I stayed in Harmony.

That night we went for a few cocktails at a beach bar and then over to Slinky’s bar on the beach. They had a fire show with guest participants (fire safety is also a huge concern in Thailand). The lads got mad into the fire skipping and limbo, especially PJ who was in his element. PJ put in a serious performance and even gave the mechanical bull a go! He was only upstaged by Bat when Bat jumped through the fire hoop in the wrong direction and floored some poor chick who was going the right way! I managed to get video evidence of the whole event 🙂

I went home earlier than the boys as I wasn’t feeling well, and when I met them for breaki we were minus three. Bat didn’t learn his lesson about playing with fire, and cartwheeled in to the hoop and burned his back and was now on a morphine and a drip in hospital. Gal was in hospital for similar injuries. PJ was in bed.

When Bat returned from hospital, we organised a day boat trip to monkey beach and Maya beach. We boarded our little boat and joined the rest of the tour. Monkey beach was uninspiring- bit of sand, a few monkeys, nothing to write home about. The boat then made its way out to a limestone mountain island and pulled in to a beautiful lagoon. The water was crystal clear and we were surrounded by beautiful green mountains. Poor Bat couldn’t go swimming due to his burns but the rest of us jumped right in from the boat the second it stopped. The water was amazing. After our swim we had lunch on the boat- fried rice. While eating lunch, we spotted dolphins swimming around the entrance of the lagoon. The water was so clear you could see the bottom from the boat. I sat and watched the fish while the others went for a snorkel and I saw a sea snake making its way over the rocks on the bottom- yuck! I was happy to be in the boat at that point!

The boat then dropped us to another inlet surrounded by rock cliffs. Apparently, this is how we would enter the beach- no bother, that rope ladder looks reaallllly safe (water safety must be top priority here as well). How bad could it be? Jumped in off the boat and swam towards the rope. I wanted to swim as close as possible as I didn’t want to put my feet on the ground after seeing the snake! Just as we reached the rope (only one person could climb up at a time), the water started to get rough. My sunglasses didn’t survive the first wave that pounded us against the rocks. There was no way I was losing my camera as well. I didn’t lose the camera, or my bikini top (that was now around my waist) but Ben did gain a few rope burns. My life didn’t flash before my eyes but the thought of travel insurance did occur to me as I was being battered- I really should invest…

It was all worth it in the end though when we stepped through the trees and on to the beach. White sand, turquoise (calm) water, green mountains- a real paradise. Time for a swim! One of the girls on the tour told the guide she refused to go back down the rope ladder so he better send the boat around for us, which he did after some arguing. On the way home the sun was setting over the horizon but we were a bit too tired to appreciate. Bring us home please 🙂

I felt really sick at dinner so took the night off and left the boys too it. We got up early the next day and lay by the beach all day. I was happy out hangover free listening to the music the locals were playing, reading my book, working on my tan. After lunch myself and Ben went for an aloe massage since he was now scalded. This hour massage was the best hour I have spent on my trip yet. Head to toe pampering. We watched the sun set from the Phi Phi view point, and after a dinner of baked fried rice served in a pineapple, we met Frenchie for a drink in Reggae bar. They put on a Thai boxing show, after which I went to bed-I still wasn’t feeling well and had a 9 am ferry in the morning!


We arrived in Koh Phangan earlier than expected since we took a tiger printed speed boat rather than the ferry. Samui to Phangan, 11 seconds, Fintin, he fucking floored it! By 3.30 pm we were lying by the pool in our lovely Neptune Villa’s hotel (home for the next five days). We had three newcomers who just arrived from Oz, Bob, Lyncho and Brain, so we went for a Pad Thai dinner with them. At bucket o clock, we hit a pool party and then the beach. On the way from the pool to the beach we saw some Scandinavian floor himself drunk driving his moped. We hid his keys on him and cleaned him up a little- there is no way he will find that bike again!

We didn’t do much during the days in Koh Phangan, just relaxing poolside. One day we went to the shooting range and I shot a gun for the first time. We also found a restaurant with really comfy couches and the best banana milkshakes who would play friends on the giant screen. They also allowed you to choose movies so we watched “The Beach” one evening before heading out. The day before the full moon party we took a tripup to mushy mountain. We met some of Hauly’s friends up there and chilled out for the day, swimming and drinking beer 🙂

One night we decided to play a game, where we all buddied up and picked each others outfits. Unfortunately for Jamie, I didn’t get the memo regarding girls clothes not being allowed for the boys- and he ended up in a boob tube. Unfortunately for me, Jamie got mixed up between a skirt and a top.. We got a tuc tuc in our new outfits to the jungle and went to a waterfall party. They use the term “waterfall” very lightly- it was a fountain, but still fun to party in the middle of the jungle!

The full moon party was epic, the beach was packed, music was great, buckets were flowing. Def one of the highlights of the trip so far.

The following day we took it easy as we were to spend the next day travelling for the day. I decided on another oil massage- head, shoulders and back. BIG MISTAKE. I guess not all hookers are as good at giving massages as the one in Phi Phi was. This woman nearly broke my back. I told her five times she was going too hard- half way through, she hurt my back so badly I actually cried. At one point I thought she was going to puncture a hole in my temple with her thumb. I know that sometimes massages are meant to hurt a little, or you should feel some pressure but this was torture. I pity the poor fool who asks her for a happy ending- I’m sure she would just rip the whole thing off. It wasn’t like a Thai massage where you felt great after, this was yesterday and my back and shoulders are killing me- grrrr














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